


and suddenly you're all i need, the reason why i smile

by miao_x



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Blind Hikawa Sayo AU, F/F, Follows the canon storyline, Light Angst, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, What-If, please tell me if you see any!, sayo and hina are much closer than in canon, sayo's mom doesn't have a name so i gave her one, strays quite a bit though, there may be issues with tenses as i kept switching between past and present while writing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 01:23:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miao_x/pseuds/miao_x
Summary: Then the girl looks up, and Yukina sees her eyes.The girl isblind.The girl, who cannot be any older than Yukina herself, and yet plays with the skill of a professional; the girl, whose crystalline confidence and strong voice impact everyone in the crowd; the girl, whose deft fingers are constantly moving, sounding out riffs with such beauty that musicians with working eyes are put to shame. Beautiful.Blind.





	and suddenly you're all i need, the reason why i smile

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A beacon in the dark](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13616124) by [NohaIjiachi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NohaIjiachi/pseuds/NohaIjiachi). 

> hi!! it's been a while as i have a ton of yukisayo fic ideas but somehow never get around to putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard?)  
this one was inspired by a bnha fic featuring blind deku! go check it out, it's beautiful. this is my own writing, but the structure and idea came from that fic.  
i have no experience with blindness and i don't know anyone afflicted with blindness, so i did some research and kept going back to that bnha fic for reference. if there's any inaccurate information, it's purely because i don't know much about being blind and i've taken artistic liberties.  
also, apparently, blind people _ can _ play instruments! i assume it would take a lot of hard work, but considering sayo, she would work harder than anyone.  


In the morning, there are the streaks of orange and pink embracing an indigo background. The dark blue clouds grow lighter in color; the golden tips of sunlight peek over the horizon, watching an awakening world.

As the sun rises, the orange and pink wash away to reveal a beautiful blue sky. White clouds perch upon varying shades of blue and gray. The world comes to life, metallic grays of skyscrapers and fresh greens of trees contrasting against the many colors of people bustling around with their lives. 

Later, the sun makes its way to sleep again, and the pearly moon shines, casting a soft white glow over everything it touches. Stars come out from hiding, gracing the world with their light. The world is blanketed by a cloak of deep purples and blues, the glowing lights of cities tracing patterns and forming shapes. 

At the mere age of one, Sayo Hikawa has learned to appreciate the many colors of her world.

-

  
  
At two years old, Sayo Hikawa is the happiest child in the world.

The world is hers to explore, and she loves every moment. “Hina-chan! Hina-chan!” Sayo squeals, tugging on her sister’s sleeve. Identical emerald eyes and turquoise hair shine in the morning sunlight as the twins frolic around the little park. Yumeka Hikawa smiles lovingly at her two children as she walks behind them, keeping a watchful eye on them.

Tired of playing tag, Sayo sits back on the springy grass, chubby legs splayed in front of her.

Wide-eyed, she gazes up at the blue sky, framed with fresh-smelling evergreens and fluffy white clouds.

Filled with childish wonder, Sayo smiles widely as she watches birds soar, tightening her grip on her sister’s hand.

“It’s pretty…” 

Mrs. Hikawa comes to join them, and they all relax, watching birds and counting clouds and admiring the vast sky as if there were nothing more beautiful in the world.

-

At four, Sayo Hikawa is already discovering her future. She sits perched on her father’s shoulders, hair bouncing as her little head bobs up and down to the beat.

The Hikawa family stands in a sweaty, jostling crowd of elbows and knees. They are squeezed and shoved, but every note they hear tells a story; working together they paint beautiful colors. Sayo’s heart throbs in ecstatic joy with an electric guitar solo, the soul-scorching, spine-sizzling riffs ringing loud and clear. The star of the show. Sayo wants to be like that— special. Independent, yet supportive. Strong. She memorizes every beautiful curve of the guitar, the six shining strings, and the long, smooth, neck.

As they’re leaving the concert, Sayo declares confidentially that she wants to learn guitar someday. Hina pipes in that she wants to, too- that she wants to play together with her Onee-chan.

“No, Hina-chan. I’m gonna be the only one playing guitar. I wanna be special.”

-

At five, just days before her sixth birthday, Sayo’s world—her beautiful, perfect, world—comes crashing down.

Sayo wakes up, and it should be a normal morning, but everything is dark as she clambers out of bed. 

She stumbles into a drawer as she tries to rub the sleep out of her eyes, confused.

Her eyes are open, right? Is it still nighttime? She doesn’t think so, because she can hear Hina-chan downstairs and she can hear the chirping of birds and she can smell breakfast.

She tugs at her eyelids and ends up poking herself in the eye. 

She tries blinking rapidly, tries shutting her eyes for what seems like an eternity and snapping them open again, tries rubbing them.

It's no use. Darkness.

It feels like something is eating away at her sight, and her body feels sluggish, almost like it is freezing over. 

Tears start to form in her traitorous eyes, and she calls out for reassurance.

“Mom?” Sayo calls, panicking.

Yumeka pops her head over. “Is there something wrong, Sayo?”

Sayo feels her way over to her mother and wraps her arms around the reassuring form, small hands squeezing the folds of her mother’s dress. She can imagine the concerned green eyes, the same as Sayo’s, and the thick, wavy hair smelling of apples.

Terrified, Sayo whispers, “I can’t see…”

At five, just days before her sixth birthday, Sayo loses her sight.

-

Sayo is taken to the hospital right away. She lies in a bed, wondering what will happen to the future she so looked forward to, as doctors and nurses lean over her and perform test after test. She can’t see them, of course, but she can feel the sharp sting of needles and she can hear their quiet discussions. 

If there is one benefit to come out of this, it’s that Sayo has lost her fear of needles. She can’t see them coming. She can’t see them anymore. 

The heavy, sluggish, feeling has faded a bit, but it feels like her eyes are fizzling, and the air seems to be thicker and harder to take in. She aches, and there is an empty feeling inside her. 

The doctors have told her that her parents cannot visit her for the time being. 

She supposes that’s for the better. Why would she want them to see her?

Her mother comes to visit her anyways, reassuring her again and again- “_ The nice doctors will find out what is wrong, and they will find a way to cure your eyes. Stay strong, honey, ok?” _She sounds less and less certain with every failed test. Sayo doesn’t want to feel the tears from her mother’s eyes— her mother’s healthy, working eyes. 

_What's wrong with me?_

She is happy Hina doesn’t come to visit. 

She had started to long to be different from her little sister, wanting to pull forwards and become her own person.

Now, as Sayo realizes bitterly, she will forever stand in her sister’s shadow. _ Different._

_ -_

Sayo has neuromyelitis optica spectrum disorder_. _The doctors call it NMOSD. A rare disease where the immune system acts abnormally, attacking one’s own tissues and organs. It causes sight loss and muscle weakness.

Sayo can’t care less about what it’s called. She wants to go home. She wants to beat Hina at hide-and-seek again. She wants to be able to see the world around her again. She wants to play pretend-guitar again. She wants to be able to see the faces of the people she loves. She’s scared. What if the colors are gone forever?

_  
-_

“Sayo, honey, it’s time for you to get your haircut.”

“I don’t want one.”

It’s been a month since. She spent her birthday in a hospital, wondering what was wrong with her. Hina had visited. Sayo couldn’t see her sister’s face, but as though telepathically connected, she could _feel _her shock, fear, and- _ lingering beneath _\- pity.

_ “Onee-chan… your eyes.” _

_ “What of them?” Sayo snaps back, frustrated and angry. _

_ “Honey…” Yumeka lays a comforting hand on her daughter’s shoulder, but Sayo shakes it off._

_"Don't look at me like that!"_

_Her sister recoils; Sayo can feel it._

_"You’ve always been better than me, Hina, and you get _everything_ your little heart desires. So even if I can’t see, I _will_ be better than you.” _

_ Sayo turns away with a huff, and Hina starts sniffling as Mrs. Hikawa takes her hand and leads her out of the room. _

Later, they make up. Sayo can imagine the tears that had welled up in her sister’s startling green eyes.

Her own are now milky, glazed, and pale, more white than green—hardly a shell of what they once were.

Yumeka tries again. “But Sayo, dear, your sister is also getting one. You’ve had the same hairstyle for years. Don’t you want to keep that trend going?”

“What’s the point?” The words come out as a whisper. “It’s no use trying to look similar. Hina and I can’t be the same anymore. Besides… if I don’t cut my hair, no one will be able to see my eyes.” The tears that Sayo had tried so hard to hold back fall silently down her face. “Mom... why can’t I see?” 

Pain fills Yumeka's heart as she draws Sayo to her. "I don't know, Sayo, I don't know," she whispers. "But we will push through this together, ok? Your sister, your father, and I will all work together with you to give you the best life you can have. Even if you can't see the colors anymore, you can still hear, and you can still feel. You're strong, Sayo." 

Hina is listening from behind the wall, crying for her sister. "Sayo-chan, I'll help you!" She promises in a whisper, wiping away her tears. "I'll help you be better than me-I will!

-

Sayo lies on her bed, fingers tracing the air. She hears a soft knock at her door. 

"Onee-chan?" Hina's voice is muffled. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Sayo turns over, her hair a mess.

Hina comes in, and Sayo can tell by her heavy steps and breathing that she’s carrying something heavy.

“What is it, Hina?”

“Happy birthday, Sayo-chan!”

Sayo’s voice is dull. “Our birthday was a while ago.”

“I know, but we missed it, remember?” Hina leans over and pokes Sayo’s cheek. “We got you a present~!”

Sayo sits up, turning towards Hina. “I don’t want anything.”

“You’ll want this!” Hina’s voice is impossibly cheerful. “It’s….” Sayo hears her struggling to open something. “... a guitar!” 

**Author's Note:**

> i was really nervous about posting this, every time i read it i find more mistakes sskjdskdj. constructive criticism is appreciated! i really hope i didn't make them too ooc or anything, waah i really need to improve at writing long things
> 
> thank you for reading! i've already written the next chapter, hoping to post it soon (yukina will show up soon!!) ~
> 
> (also, just so no one is confused, Yumeka (夢叶?) Hikawa is the name i gave sayo and hina's mom. apparently, it means "dreams" / "dreams come true.")


End file.
